


Promises

by OutOfTheBlue



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Comfort/Angst, M/M, soft smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-12
Updated: 2014-03-12
Packaged: 2018-01-15 12:39:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1305172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OutOfTheBlue/pseuds/OutOfTheBlue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He did not know who I was and that pained me the most.<br/>He forgot.<br/>Forgot about our promises. Our memories which I held dear to my heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Promises

**Author's Note:**

> 2a.m. I was inspired to write angst, and angst I shall write!  
> Truthfully, I'm more comfortable writing sad stories than happy ones.

I remember him. I remember a man who flew across the sky with wings behind his back. I would follow him to the ends of the earth because I trusted and believed him. The man did not fear me, did not fear what was inside of me. This was my corporal.

This was just a shell of a man I once knew. My turquoise eyes stared at dark gray blue eyes. My distinct features never changed, even after centuries had passed. His looks and personality did not either. He scowled at me, tapping his fingers impatiently as I stood in line to place my order at the fast food restaurant.

This could not be him. My corporal was brave and heroic. This man looked as if he was in his mid-thirties, never going to find a more capable job except for a title such as cashier boy. That upset me. I envisioned a more presentable place for our first meeting after all these years. Then again, I thought the same for the others, but it turned out that it was just merely a fantasy.

"Are you going to order or what, shitty brat?" Corporal Levi pointed a finger at me. "You're holding up the line. Order or leave."

I left. That night I laid in bed. I guess it was some divine punishment after all. No one remembered me. In a way, it was relieving. I did not have to cower away from people…hiding, wondering if the government would take me, would dispose of me. I no longer scared anyone – not that I did before my powers. But people used to look away, avoiding eye contact with the monster who became their only hope.

I met Armin and Mikasa. Mikasa was living a normal life with her parents. She participated in our school's judo club. I barely talk to her. I barely talk to my sister and that's what made me cry one of those lonely nights. We just did not get along. Our personalities were never compatible except in extreme situations. Such as when we faced titans roaming outside the walls. I couldn't talk to Armin either. He was too shy, too afraid that I would just be another bully. I prevented some boys from attacking him, but only got beaten up in the process. Armin still did not speak to me. And that's when I knew I've lost a friend – long gone in the ocean that swept away all their memories.

But I felt happy during that one time. It was when I met Mina. The girl with the black pigtails which I indirectly led her to her death. She did not like me in this life and I can't blame her. She was only fifteen when she lost her life. Nonetheless, it made me glad because I saw someone who I thought I'd never see again.

Then again, I can't say I'm entirely happy. My mother is dead, death took her when she gave birth to me. My father, still Grisha, became engrossed with experiments. He took care of me as a baby, but once I came to an age of being able to somewhat take care of myself, he left me alone. He locked the door, never opening it except for his occasional hunger that he needed to subdue in the kitchen. Besides that, I was all alone.

So I went to visit my corporal once more. I caught him during the perfect time when he was on his lunch break, eating the greasy burger in a corner. My heart skipped a beat, because no matter how long ago it was, I still had strong feelings for him, and I knew deep down he had them for me too.

I played when the hem of my green sweater. I looked like a mess and if there was still a part of him left from the past, then he would be displeased. My jeans were tattered and ripped (truthfully the only thing in style for teens nowadays) and I never took care of my beat up Nike shoes. Also, my hair till this day would not cooperate with me.

Pain made its way into my heart.

  

_"Brat, how many times do I have to tell you that you're fine just the way you are."  
_

 

I made my way to his table, a bit hesitant. How old was he now? Will it be looked down upon in this society? I was only fifteen when I was in a relationship with a thirty year old man in our former life, but it didn't matter. We were adults. We experienced what no other children should have at that age. In this time, children were spoiled kids. I couldn't blame them though. They did not grow up with nightmares of their mothers being eaten by titans. They did not grow up feeling angered or betrayed. They grew up simply as just children.

I stopped in front of him, still fidgeting because his strong aura was still present. He looked up at me, frowning. When will I see you smile again?

"It's you," he said.

 

_"It's you." He sounded relieved. I ran towards him, embracing him after a long year apart.  
_

_"It's me. I'm back, Levi."_

"It's me," I answered, biting down my tongue from saying anything else.

"Is there something you need?" He folded the burger wrapper into a square and placed it neatly underneath his drink.

"May I?" I pointed to the chair directly across from him. He nodded his head and I sat down. For a long time I just looked at him. He won't say anything because I know he's unsure about what to say. When Levi was silent, he was mostly lost in thought or he simply did not want to converse. When he actually spoke, his words would be twisted and he would go with a roundabout explanation to things that could be put into two sentences. But I understood him well. He was my lover.

_Was_.

Unlike him, he broke the peace. "Look here. I don't know why you're following me. Unless you want to get your ass handed to you, you better stop following me."

"Sorry. You look like someone I once knew. Someone that died long ago."

He huffed, rolling his eyes. "And that's supposed to be comforting? How old are you anyways, Kid. Where are your parents?"

I looked down at the table. Of course he wouldn't know. "My mother is dead and my father might as well be. I'm sixteen. How old are you, Mr.?"

He tapped his name tag. "Name is Levi. Thirty-six." So the age gap widened. I didn't care.

"If possible, can I get to know you? It's just, you really look like someone I once knew. And I just can't get you out of my head. I maybe babbling but I just really—"

He held up his hand to silence me. "Brat, I have a wife and a kid."

"Oh." That hurts. Of course he had a family. He was thirty-six for crying out loud. He wasn't going to wait around for me. But that made me frustrated. Angry. Wasn't he the one who told me he wanted to be selfish? Wasn't he the one who told me to find him if we ever meet again in the future? Wasn't he the one who said that he would wait. _Wait. Wait. Wait._ Wait for me no matter what.

He cocked his head to the side. "You're crying."

I am.

I touched my cheek lightly and I felt wetness. The taste of salt lingered in my mouth as tears made way past my lips.

"You promised me." I got up and ran. I ran out of the stupid fast food restaurant and onto the streets. I wished it thundered. I wished it would downpour. The sunny spring skies did not match my mood – the feeling of my heart.

I did not want to see him ever again.

* * *

That night I had a dream. I dreamt about the old castle, the cabin, and the fields outside the wall. I didn't dream of my mother or her cooking. I didn't dream about Mikasa helping me fetch firewood for the cold nights in our little house. I didn't dream of my father, injecting me with the virus.

I dreamt of Levi.

  

_We laid in bed that night. The little lantern casting our shadows onto the dungeon wall. He snuck into my room because they would never let Humanity's Strongest sleep in bed with a monster. Our naked limbs intertwined with each other after a long hour of love making. I rested my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. The thumping of his heart was therapeutic. It was the only sound that comforted me through the night.  
_

_"What will you do once we defeat the titans?" I asked, whispering in fear of the squad members hearing._

_He lightly stroked my hair. "I'll think about it when the time comes."  
_

_"I want to visit the ocean with everyone."  
_

_He cracked open an eye, looking down at me with sympathy. I didn't like that look. "You know, Eren—" he started, "—never mind."_

_"No. Tell me, Levi." I perched up on his chest._

_"Have you ever thought that you may not live to see the ocean. You will be the only titan left and the only way to know that humanity is safe is annihilate all titans. That includes you." He touched my cheek, eyes dilating back and forth in fear – my corporal_ feared _for me.  
_

_I grabbed onto his hand, nuzzling it, enjoying the calloused texture. "I'll think about it when the time comes," I repeated._

_He lifted his other arm and wrapped it behind my neck, bringing my face down to meet his. He gently pecked my lips. Once. Twice. Until he kissed me with a lot of force, as if he was afraid that I would disappear any moment. I took a hold of his face, returning the kisses feverishly.  
_

_He reversed our positions, sliding in his cock with ease due to our session earlier. I moaned softly. I wanted to bite the junction between my thumb and wrist out of habit to lower my voice. But he guided my arms to wrap around his back. He presented his neck to me, allowing me to bite down on him instead. I wanted to scream in pleasure when he picked up the pace. The bed rocked hard, hitting against the wall._

_"Levi," I panted, tasting copper on my lips. I broke skin again._

_"Eren," his voice was muffled._

* * *

I woke up not feeling content. I looked at my semen soaked sheets in disgust. I cleaned myself up afterwards with a wet towel. I laid out new sheets as the other one was being washed. I felt like skipping class again. After all, Jean would be there. But Jean doesn't fight with me anymore. Jean doesn't even talk to Marco. Jean is in his own little world with people that I've never seen before.

I made my way into town that day. The suburbs were nice. At least I still got to see some of the stars at night. Instead of titans everywhere, technology was. Cars and lights were polluting the air. It consumed nature. Consumed everything that we fought for. The ocean that was once pure had garbage disposed into them. Rivers were practically nonexistent in most areas and billion of trees were being cut down. Manmade things drained most of our natural resources. Nothing was truly beautiful anymore.

I was living in an ugly world.

My view on life changed. I was no longer hopeful. I lost all hope the moment everyone forgot about me. Forgot about our history. Nothing really mattered anymore. Life was too mundane.

I said that I will never see Levi again, but the world does its little funny thing by making coincidences happen. Though I can't really say that since our town is very small and if I really did not want to see him anymore, I'd pack up and leave to another city.

I was at my local grocery store because I needed to buy groceries for the week. I made enough money on the side from odd jobs to support my daily life necessities. The supermarket was private owned and wasn't generally as grand or big compared to the franchise stores. The cashiers were in the front, there were only five aisles stacked with goods, and towards the back were refrigerated or frozen foods.

I was looking at frozen beef when I felt something bump into my leg. I looked down to see a little girl with round eyes and dark brown hair. She giggled at me, stretched out her arms and waited for me to pick her up. I looked around, trying to spot some frantic parent but saw none. So I dropped the basket and swept her up into my arms.

"What's your name?" I asked.

"Hanji!" She screeched. Ah. that's why she looked familiar. The mad scientist was in a little body.

"Where are your parents?" I twirled her around a bit in my arms. She grasped onto my shoulders tightly.

"Levi and Petra are looking at whole grain cereal. I got bored."

Levi and Petra…

"…Your parents?"

"Yes!"

"You shouldn't be calling them by their first name. That's disrespectful." It hurts. My heart hurts again.

"But Eren, I'm Petra's superior and Levi is a friend."

"You can't just—" I cut myself off. "Wait—what? What did you just call me?" I was stunned. She smirked at me with a little devilish look.

"Ah. Seems like you remember too." She patted my chest and flung herself off. She landed gracefully and stretched out her arms as if she was an Olympic gymnast who just pulled off one of her perfect performances. She laced our fingers and dragged me away from my task.

"Hanji. I have a lot of questions to ask you."

" _Shh_ , Eren."

"But how do you remember? How do you remember all of this?"

She stopped in her tracks and turned around. She lifted her legs and kicked my shin hard. I yelped in pain. "I'll tell you later, but first, look over there!" She nodded her head to the left.

I looked up. Levi and Petra were standing too close, examining a cereal box as if the nutrition facts were very important. And then something happened. Levi smiled and Petra chuckled, hiding her laughter behind her hands.

They were perfect for each other.

"This is you telling me to move on, isn't it?" I looked at Hanji. I wasn't going to cry now.

She looked up. "No, I'm not. This is just an image of a perfect family doing perfect things. You know what's behind all that façade? A man who can't even support his wife, let alone a child too. He's the type of guy who looks at himself in the mirror everyday, wondering where he went wrong. And that woman? She's cheating behind his back with a man she should have been with from the start."

"Olou?" I asked.

"Precisely," Hanji chirped. "I asked Levi what was wrong the other night and he told me some brat interrupted him at his minimum wage job. That said brat had such emotional greenish blue eyes that he could not stop thinking about. And of course I knew that was you. It just so happens that I see you here and now. So, what will you do?"

"What can I do? I'm sixteen and Levi is thirty-six."

Hanji kicked me in the shin again. "That never stopped the both of you back then. I'm telling you to go for it because they're obviously not happy. Eren, when do you think another chance like this can happen again?"

I shook my head, but Hanji took me by the hand again and brought me over to the couple. Levi looked at me in shock and Petra smiled politely.

"Levi, Petra, meet Eren, my husband." Hanji introduced us. Petra laughed at her while Levi was giving me a dirty look. I would too if I was in his position. It looked as if I was pinning after him and his daughter.

"Get your hands off of Eren." Levi gritted his teeth. That surprised me, but Hanji smiled, letting me go in the process. Levi snapped out of it, as if he said something he wasn't meant to say.

Petra took hold of Hanji. "Well, it's very nice to meet you, Eren. I guess you're my husband's acquaintance? I will leave you two gentlemen to speak in private. Here, Hanji. Let's look for some fresh fruits." She sat Hanji down into the child's seat that the carts provided and wheeled her off. Hanji looked over her mother's shoulder, giving me a thumbs-up as encouragement.

I stood there, not really taking my eyes off of Levi. He placed the box back to where it belonged and crossed his arms.

"I found you again."

Levi hmphed. "I don't understand you, Kid. Are you stalking me or something? First you showed up at my job and then suddenly disappeared. Next thing I know you're with my daughter. Where the hell am I going to find you next? In my house baking pie with my wife?"

I wanted to reach out to him, but I fisted my hands to my side. "I know I'm coming off strong and perhaps a bit odd, but it's out of good intentions. I apologize for running off last time without giving an explanation. I was out of my mind."

"To hell you were. Didn't I tell you last time that I have a family?"

"I know. I know. But can you just listen to me for one second?"

He tapped his foot, looking off to the side as if he was thinking. But I knew that look. He was going to listen to me even if he didn't want to. Because that was how he was.

"Humor me." He leaned against the unstable shelf. I was going to reprimand him, but it was not the time to.

"I'm going to say something crazy, and I might come off insane but just hear me out. I feel as if I knew you for a very long time—"

"—yeah you told me that last time. Your dead friend, right?"

"No, no. I feel like you're him. The first time I saw you, I just knew. I know everything about you, Levi. I know that you don't like meat because you're used to eating stale bread from the underground city. You act as if you don't like the cold but you do, because your birthday is in December and the heat actually makes your skin very irritated."

"You're getting your facts wrong, Brat. I hate the cold, my birthday is not in the winter, and I eat meat religiously."

_No, no_. I was not getting through to him, but I continued anyways, "I know no matter what, you're going to think about me as much as I think about you. And it's going to sound corny but we were meant to be. We were given a second chance because we can finally be happy. I don't care about anything, but you. When was the last time you felt alive? Sure as hell not when you're with Petra. Levi. I-I love—" I broke down sobbing. I covered my eyes with my arms, shielding the outside world from my pain.

"Le-Levi. I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so, _so_ sorry. I forgive you for everything. I-I knew they forced you to kill me. I-I shouldn't have blamed you. I shouldn't have said that I don't want to ever see you again. I'm-I'm a brat, I know I am. But Levi. I found you. I-I found you, even after 2000 years."

Tears kept falling down. I kneeled down onto the floor. I knew I was causing a scene but it was too overwhelming. I had no one. Things that I took for granted such as family and friends were all ripped away from me. The one thing that was dearest to me was also taken away.

I am the empty shell of a man I once was. I am the boy who could not forget, because I am the boy who does not _want_ to forget.

I felt Levi crouch next to me, pushing my hands away from my face. Those grey eyes looked at me with pity. I didn't want pity. I want to be loved again by him.

"I'm sorry," he scoffed. He didn't believe me. He didn't understand. He couldn't understand because he does not _fucking_ remember.

He got up, left me on the floor and walked away, disappearing as he rounded the corner.

I kneeled on the floor for a long time. Maybe even hours. But no one came to ask me what was wrong.

No one cared.

 

* * *

 

  _"I will never forgive you, asshole. You promised me!_ You promised _!" blood dripped from my side onto the pristine marble floor. I scrambled away from my lover. My wounds taking a longer time to heal.  
_

_"Eren, don't make this harder than it has to be."  
_

_"How can you say that to me?" I spat blood onto his face as I met the wall behind me, caged in like an animal. He looked at me with pity. Stop pitying me! Just stop it! Don't look at me like that! Like you have no choice._

_"Eren, I promise that I will find you in the after life."_

_"And that's supposed to make me feel better? You never keep your promises! You said you'll protect me."_

_"I'm sorry, Eren. Orders are orders. If I can't keep the promise, then you promise me that you'll find me. I'll wait for. I'll wait for you no matter how long it takes."_

_I gripped onto the bricks behind me. I was choking on blood and saliva. Snot ran down my nose. One of my arms were sizzling on the side by the urinal bucket.  
_

_"So this is how it ends? You can't even grant me the wish of killing me outside where I can see the sun, the grass, and the endless sky."  
_

_"You have to understand Eren—"  
_

_"I never will. I won't look for you. I hate you, I hate everything about you. I hate—"  
_

_Something sharp pierced me. I looked down to see one of Levi's blade punctured straight into my heart. My eye lids felt heavy and my head was swimming with incoherent thoughts. My eyes kept closing but I saw Levi's face in front of mine. A single tear staining his cheek. His face fell, shadows underneath his eyes grew darker.  
_

_"I'm sorry."_

_  
_

* * *

I continued living. I got out of bed, made breakfast, went to school, and then I went straight back home. I don't visit the grocery store and I keep my visits to any other public places at minimum. I received several calls from Hanji that I never picked up. I knew it was her because the first time she called I immediately hung up. How she got my number was a mystery to me, but at this point, I could hardly care.

The summer went by quickly. I honestly did not know what I did. Most of my time was spent on my bed looking up at the ceiling and occasionally the window. I would close my eyes, imagining everyone at the barracks. I would imagine Jean bickering with me about trying to win Mikasa's affection. Then I would think about that one secret mission I had with Sasha. We snuck into the kitchen and snatched ourselves a decent size ham roll.

I pushed all other thoughts aside. I pushed away unnecessary ones that revolved around a short man with sharp eyes. I envisioned happier times because that was the only way to get me going.

Fall came by a lot quicker than I thought and I was back at school. I tried talking to Armin but he still shied away from me. Jean was out of the question, but Connie wasn't half bad. He was still stupid like me, but he was cockier and more confident. He spoke fondly of a girl that was not Sasha but that was okay. I didn't know where Sasha was either, but I bet that if she decided to show up in Connie's life, they'll be together because they weren't the ones being punished by a divine being.

On one of those colder days when the leaves were turning red and orange, I decided to take a walk in the park. I had not done that in a while.

I sat on one of those benches, looking at the trees and waited for leaves to fall when a gust of wind hit them. I could not bring myself to smile, although the air felt nice and the atmosphere was quiet – just the way I liked it.

I didn't know I dozed off until I opened my eyes to see that it was already dark outside. A dog was barking in the distance at a squirrel while the owner struggled to pull it away from the small creature. I didn't even notice a presence of a man next to me until I saw from my peripheral vision of a short pair of legs next to mine.

I turned and caught my breath.

"Why are you here?"

Levi looked at me. He looked tired, as if he was not getting any sleep. I wasn't either. He already had gloves on and a thick jacket. It was definitely not the time to bring out winter clothes but I guess he wasn't lying when he said he didn't like the cold. At least in this lifetime.

"I thought about you," was all he said. I didn't answer him because I was too tired. I was too tired of it all. When he knew I wasn't going to say anything, he went on. "I thought about you a lot for the past months. Like you said, I couldn't stop thinking about you and I just don't know why. You're a goddamn brat and I'm an old man. That's against the law. I shouldn't be thinking about you like that."

"I don't care," I hurriedly stated. I needed to push down my hope. He never said that he wanted to get back with me. He was just speaking his mind. Maybe after he cleared his thoughts, he'll leave me again, feeling satisfied that it was finally out of his system.

"I too, could hardly give a shit, but I'm married. I know my wife's been cheating on me, but everything was fine the way it was. Everything was normal. And that's what I need in life. You're going after the wrong man, Eren. I have a crap job and I could hardly be considered an adult in this fucked up world.

"But I think I'm going to be selfish. I think I want to know you. Not romantically. I just want to get to know you, will that be enough?"

No, no it won't, but it's a start.

He waited for me to answer but I held off for a little longer. Were we going to walk down this path again? Was it doomed to fail like last time? I did not know but the offer was tempting because I waited so long. I waited to see the wing embedded back once more.

I stuffed my hands in my hoodie pocket and nodded. "My name is Eren. I'm sixteen. I have no interests, I have no hobbies. I can't even tell you about my favorite color or memory because I have none. But there's one thing I forgot to tell and I'll tell it to you now. I love you. Always have, always will." I took a quick glance at him and looked back down at the ground.

Levi acknowledged my confession with a grunt. He faced away from me and stared directly at the park. "What did you mean last time, about finding me?"

"Exactly what it meant. Guess it's an inside joke or something."

Levi chuckled which made me immediately look at him. "You are weird."

I smiled for the first time in a while. "I know I am."

"But there's something about you. I see it in your eyes. There's a fire in there that was put out long ago. There's passion behind those green orbs of yours. I think you should light it up again."

"I'll try." I said.

I leaned in, cautiously laying my head on his shoulders. Levi did not move and he did not look as if he was uncomfortable. In fact, he looked more relaxed. And that was when I knew that this is where we belonged. I knew a long time ago. It didn't matter if he remembered me or not because we were going to build new memories. There were no more titans, there were no more threats from the government.

I was just an ordinary human and so was Levi. We did not need to be titled Humanity's Strongest or Humanity's Only Hope. Levi and Eren. We were two people out of billions in the world.

And that was good enough for me.

 

 

_"I found you, Levi."_

_"You will always find me, Eren."_    

 

    

**Author's Note:**

> I still felt pretty hallow towards the end, but I think I'll leave it like that.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed~


End file.
